Relationship Advice

My roommate, after giving me the following advice, noted that I've been getting some great relationship advice lately. She was talking about how her boyfriend sings made-up songs to her, and that they often involve the term "boobs".

"Now", she said, "it isn't romantic to just sing something like 'I like boobs'."
"No?" I ask, as if this had never occurred to me.
"No. It has to be something like 'I like _your_ boobs'. See, that makes it more personal, thus romantic."

The "great relationship advice" comment was of course a facetious remark based on some other "advice" she was privvy to. I was talking to my friend Jody the other day, and his significant other overheard my name and said something like "Hello Tony!".

Jody, not missing a beats, says "Audrey says 'Hi' (pause) SHUT UP WOMAN, I'M ON THE PHONE!"

He then resumed our conversation with "You may want to write that one down."

We talked little longer, during which time I mentioned a few things about dating.

We said goodbye.

Ten minutes later he called me back and said: "OK, Tony, next piece of advice: _Never_ tell a woman _anything_."
"Really?" I asked.
"Yep. If you do, they'll just have questions, and you don't want that. She wants to know more about this woman you're seeing."
"Ah. I see."

So we talked for a bit longer and satisfied Audrey's curiosity.

"OK, Tony, so what have you learned?" he asked.
"SHUT UP WOMAN, I'M ON THE PHONE!" I replied. "and, never tell a woman _anything_."

"Very good grasshopper." He said.

So, a few days later I was talking to him again. My roommate (who knows Jody and I pretty well) came home. She didn't realize I was on the phone and started talking to me. I told her I was talking to Jody. She said "Hi, Jody!", to which I replied "Sarah says 'Hi'....SHUT UP WOMAN, I'M ON THE PHONE!"

"Ah, grasshopper. You have snatched the pebble from my hand." was Jody's reply.